I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He felt like a one man threesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
