Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize