Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
