why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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