He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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