Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just pynch a tree in the face
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
