Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
