I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's the barista slut.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
