sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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