last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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