woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
