Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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