we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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