imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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