this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
