i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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