Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
