So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
