I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
