you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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