I'm so fucking centered right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The uberlube is also flammable
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
