question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
