He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
