I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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