Me too!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
