i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
