..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
