FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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