ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
