i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
