I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
