Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
