I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
