Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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