just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
