Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
