If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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