This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
