Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm at about main and main street
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
