The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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