I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
