she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
