i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
