We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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