The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
