no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
