Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
