this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
