the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
