I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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