I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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