I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
