I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
