I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
