I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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