Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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