Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
