I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
