well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
