Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
