I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
