hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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