Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
