You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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