Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
