Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
