nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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