Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
