i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
