this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
